Versos originales de mi alma
[Original Lines, Straight from my Soul]
Lunching Rainbow
To the tune of the Reading Rainbow theme song (link)
Butterfly in my tum
I'm ready for some yum
I have a hunch
It's time for lunch
A lunching rainbow
I can eat anywhere!
With a fox
Or in a box
A lunching rainbow
I can eat anything!
Fruits and veg
Or turkey leg
A lunching rainbow
A lunching rainbow!
~~~
Husk
8AB9F1
I had to brace myself
because I knew
I would see you again today.
Deep breath. And again.
I had to make sure I looked hot
so maybe you'd see me
and wonder what we could have been
the same way I do all too often.
It's probably been a few years
and if I'm being honest
I haven't really wanted to know
what's been going on in your life.
I happened to guess right
that you were expecting your third?
And your first girl too!
Or is it your first boy?
I try not to pay too close attention
because it hurts to know
that your world kept on turning
when mine stopped dead in its tracks.
Maybe it was foolish of me,
but I had pinned all my hopes
for a happy and fulfilling future
on us and what we could be.
It's amazing how time flies
yet gives us infinite chances
to think of what could have been
but isn't and never will be.
Could I have been your everything?
Could you have been mine?
I guess we'll never know
and we just have to live with that.
Does it tear you apart too?
Do you think about it often?
Or is your life so good
that you never even think of me at all?
~~~
Maybe
4B5320
Maybe I wasn't to readyto put myself back out thereand swim with the sharks.
Maybe we were doomed from the start,our histories and backgrounds too differentto make a blended future.
Maybe it was my turn to get scared and runand leave a broken heart behind.
Maybe marriage is too big a commitment,but truth be told,I never saw us as endgame.
Maybe I should've told you soonerand not let you invest this muchinto what I saw as temporary.
Maybe the saddest part,after all is said and done,is that I don't miss you.
Maybe the pain of my past kept me from my future, so I cut it off at the pass.
Maybe we'll never knowwhat our life could have looked like,but I hope yours is beautiful after all.
Maybe you still hate me,and maybe I deserve it.
~~~
Vanishing Act
996515
As I was learning who I was
and trying to find a place for me,
a gun-shy deer approached a stream
and carefully began to lap up water.
That day, a group of lonely hearts
gathered to celebrate a birthday.
I'll never forget those eyes and that smile,
striking my heart with lightning,
even though you already had someone
waiting for you at home.
You chose to sit next to me,
but I still thought I could never compete
with the others vying for your attention,
and I got your number anyway,
even though you already had someone
waiting for you at home.
Later that summer,
we'd hike up a moonlit canyon
to the warmer waters
where clothing and inhibitions were shed,
even though you already had someone
waiting for you at home.
As tough times grew tougher,
you focused on your business
and had less time for friends,
or was it just for me?
Was it because you already had someone
waiting for you at home?
I felt the flame grow dimmer
until it flickered out completely,
leaving the smoldering specter
of what could have been.
Will I ever have someone
waiting for me at home?
Like so many times before,
I'd slip out of your life so quietly
you wouldn't even notice
I was gone.
After all, you still have someone
waiting for you at home.
Same routine, standard procedure:
Keep your distance, detach and let go.
Happy for you,
but my broken heart keeps breaking,
knowing I will never have anyone
waiting for me at home.
One day you'll see me
out and about
in a public place,
just one face in a crowd
and you won't
recognize my face
or even
know
my
name.
~~~
Mestizaje purpúreo [Purple Race]
Al juntarse cerúleo con carmesí,
producen un tono cárdeno de suma belleza.
Mas ¿cómo se clasifica esta novedad
en un mundo estrictamente binario
que no da cabida a la extrañeza?
No es ni muy rojizo ni muy azulado,
sino algo nuevo y distinto
aunque tenga razgos de ambos antepasados.
«¡Blasfemia!» Hay quienes dicen:
«Tal cosa no debe ocurrir jamás;
únanse grana con rubí
y añil con cobalto
para que no surgen abominaciones».
Y ¿qué de los que nos vemos obligados
a morar entre dos mundos,
siendo ni de aquí ni de allá?
Yo, por mi parte, procuro
honrar a mi abolengo en su totalidad,
celebrando mi orgullo violáceo.
[When cerulean combines with crimson,
they make a supremely beautiful purplish hue.
But how can this newness be classified
in a strictly binary world
that allows no room for what it deems strange?
[It is neither too reddish nor too bluish,
but rather something new and distinctive
although it carries traits of both its ancestors.
["Blasphemy!" Some say:
"such a thing should never occur;
let scarlet combine with ruby-red
and indigo with cobalt
so that such abominations not arise."
[And what about those of us who find that
we must dwell between two worlds,
being neither from here nor from there?
[As for me, I endeavor
to honor my pedigree in its entirety,
celebrating my violet pride.]
~~~
remember his youth
A blackout poem
Materia prima: "The Story of Perceval" from Bulfinch's Mythology: The Age of Chivalry by Thomas Bulfinch (1858)
and mighty blood
weep and lament not
for him
behold!
the redness of love
Know ye
who he was
~~~
I burst the enchantment
A blackout poem
Materia prima: "Tristam and Isoude" from Bulfinch's Mythology: The Age of Chivalry by Thomas Bulfinch (1858)
jealous of his life,
his arms
his knowledge
No wonder i fell in love with him;
in despair most beautiful
desiring him
i am afraid
of this romance
I crave with reluctance
~~~
HE G A E
A blackout poem
Materia prima: "Orpheus and Eurydice" from Bulfinch's Mythology: The Age of Fable by Thomas Bulfinch (1855)
terror of silence
in life, I cannot triumph
tender ghosts of thirst
draw him in
take him
look at his condition
dark silence near cheerful forgetfulness,
embrace only the air!
Dying now a second time,
yet not a husband,
blame was so hard
his sought release refused
sleep bitter cruel heart
~~~
Bare All
E34234
There is a layer of vulnerability
That comes from exposing my body
And letting you see every inch,
Even the parts I don't love about myself:
The scars, the pock marks,
The hairs growing in wrong places,
The flat parts I wish stuck out more,
The sticking-out parts I wish were more flat.
But we reach a deeper level of intimacy
When I bare my soul to you
And let you see who I am inside,
Even the parts I don't love about myself:
The trauma, the pain,
The character defects and the brokenness,
The parts of me that I hide away
Behind a smile instead of a baggy sweater.
And I love how you love me,
Inside and out.
~~~
Clairvoyant
8AB9F1
It was so surreal
To see you after so long,
To meet your two-year-old,
And think to myself:
Wow, that could've been my child
If only things had gone differently.
Utterly bizarre.
~~~
Alone Together
E34234
My former love left me bleeding and bruised,
The mere shell of what I one was.
The pain was enough to foreswear love,
Resigned to a loveless life alone.
It is not good that the man should be alone.
Do I really have a choice?
With my broken heart still healing,
I sought a kindred soul, a friend,
To keep the loneliness from swallowing me up
And burying me alive.
Did you know you were my lifeline?
You opened yourself to me and let me see inside you:
All the pain and fear and grief
That you keep hidden from the world.
It was a mirror, showing me my own.
Did you know I'm just like you?
I found in you the human connection
That I've been missing for so long,
And I saw that maybe friendship
Can be as strong as relationship.
Would it be enough for you?
Would it be enough for me?
Without notice or permission,
A silent spark leapt from the dying embers
And quietly fanned itself into a flame,
Setting me ablaze with something deeper than lust.
Did you see it coming?
Or were you blindsided like me?
I still feel the coarseness of your skin on my fingers,
And the pull of your fingers through my hair.
Your smell clings to my skin all the way home,
Making me miss you all the more.
Do you think of me when we're apart,
When you're alone at night?
You come to me in my dreams,
Blue eyes a beacon and a siren song,
Inviting me beyond what we ever did in my back seat
And I joyously surrender myself to you.
Do you ever think of me
And all that we could be?
I was adrift, drowning in a sea of grief,
Until I found a harbor in your arms,
A safe refuge, at least for a moment,
A shelter from the storm.
Do I make you feel safe
And seen and loved?
Now we both feel the heat,
And we keep our distance to keep from getting burned,
Letting our hearts grow cold and dry and dark.
How can I miss you
When you're still right here?
My heart wasn't looking for love,
But love found me anyway.
And it hurts to know that it has to stay unrealized,
A fresh wound amid old scars.
Should I have locked my heart
To keep it from breaking?
The worst part is,
I can see it from here:
Our future together could be bright and joyful,
The kind of peaceful joy I've always craved.
What could we have been in another life?
Can you see it too?
But we both know that we'll never risk what we have,
Never dare to face the odds.
So instead, I'll just sit here with my nostalgia
For what never was and never will be.
How can I miss something I never had?
You were never mine to lose,
But maybe we can be alone together.
~~~
💔 (Broken Heart)
39FF14
I'll never tell you about the time I was driving home
And my autopilot brain took the exit for our old home,
The one we built,
The one we shared.
I guess a part of me still wanted to be driving home to you
But didn't know that that place doesn't exist anymore.
My home was wherever I was with you,
And that was the sweetest warmth I've ever known.
And it hurts to see your face and hear your voice every night
Right before waking to a cold and empty bed.
I still see you everywhere,
And it rips the wounds wide open every time.
And even though we weren't perfect,
I still grieve the loss of what we were;
Not just the relationship,
But the loss of a family, a dream, a hope, a future.
All the places we went are stained
With the dark blood of a broken heart.
And I can't even drive past them without pulling over
To let the emotions and pain come rushing out
In a hot, wet chain of sobs and tears that never ends.
This winter closing in on me
Howls with a fierce wind and tears the flesh from my bones,
The snow sharp as glass.
How could I ever love someone else?
This was a once-in-a-lifetime love,
And now it's gone dark and unfeeling.
A bird with no place to rest its tired wings,
Shedding my feathers in grief and mourning,
Losing my ability to fly without you.
Is "forever" just a word people say?
Even if it is, I still loved to hear it from your lips,
And the echoes still haunt my dreams.
~~~
Lost and Found
39FF14
Have you ever felt totally lost?
I think we all have,
At some time or another,
Been in an unknown place.
But there is another kind of lost
That can happen anywhere,
Even when you know
Exactly where you are.
This kind of lost is on the inside.
You don't know where to go
Or where to find help
Or what to do.
You
Feel
So
Alone.
Will you ever not be lost?
You hope so,
But sometimes hope acts like smoke,
And it slips right through your fingers.
No one around your seems to know
Or even care
That you're bending
And you just might break.
Until you see him.
You know,
HIM.
What's your name?
What's MY name?
You melt and you can't
Even languhaghe anynorje.
Afdjsmsbkxma. Wow.
He takes care of himself,
That's easy to see.
And his smile leaves you breathless.
And his arms.
Wow, they are arms.
Mmm.
Arms.
But when you look in his beautiful eyes,
You see a kindred pain.
Another soul that's known
This kind of lost.
And maybe there is a way out
Of the lonely cave you've come to call home.
Maybe this can work for you.
And maybe your someday is today.
And slowly,
Little by little,
You start to become
Found.
~~~
Parting
353839
Sometimes when I'm alone, I think about us
Even though I told myself I wouldn't.
My eyes get warm as I think back,
Back to the night that changed everything.
I can still see the two of us,
Facing each other with heavy hearts
As our world was torn in half
And two parallel lives began to diverge.
My vision is clouded over by salty tears
And I still hear the sweetest words fall off my lips.
I wished you the best, and I still do,
But the wounds of the heart take the longest to heal.
I try not to imagine where you are,
Even though I already know.
A sharp sword widens the edges of my wounds
And plunges into me, making them deeper.
A drop rolls down my cheek, and then another,
And there's nothing I can do.
A cheap clock makes a hollow ticking in an empty room
As a cold bed grows colder.
I try to manage and get by,
But this pain is new and unknown.
I tell you I'm okay to spare you my pain,
And nothing could be further from the truth.
A paper-thin façade feebly tries to mask
The sorrow newly hatched deep within me.
But my poker face has always been just my face,
And my secret thoughts and feelings spill onto the floor:
A hundred thousand emotions all jumbled up,
Conflicting and at war.
I grasp at straws, clumsy to express
The burdens weighing on my soul.
The dreams the Muses planted in another
Blossom into soulful melody.
I snatch the fallen petals up and organize
A crude bouquet of how I feel.
A dozen polished flowers now set neatly in a vase
Take on the vague shape of my heartsong.
Their diverse scents capture the strife in my soul
As a harmony unites them into one.
The minutes are filled with another's voice,
And then, silence.
The loudest silence I've ever heard.
Words fail. The music ceases. And there is nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing to say.
Nothing.
Nothing.
An uncaring world spins on,
Unaware and apathetic.
And maybe it IS fine.
Maybe there's nothing to be done.
Is my heart enough to house these both:
Happy for you, but still in grief?
Can I mourn a loss while I celebrate
What you say brings you true joy?
Maybe that's the hardest part:
You've found the bliss I never could.
It's all you ever wanted, and it's what we never had,
And I suppose I should be happy.
Even if I'm not, I want you to be happy,
And you are.
You never were with me,
And you never would be.
The bittersweet savor lingers in my mouth.
I swallow hard and square my shoulders.
Welcome to your new life.
This is how things are now.
I'll try to be happy for you.
I mean it, I promise.
But some wounds never heal,
And some pains last a lifetime.
I venture bravely into this bold, new world,
Head held high, eyes set on the horizon.
Our grief and pain shape us and make us who we are.
Maybe someday I'll like who I've become.
This new world, so similar to where I was before,
Is not a curse, but an adventure.
And maybe someday, through the highs and lows,
I'll find a place where I can think of you and smile.
~~~
Father
To my father Norman
Childhood was a sun-kissed summer afternoon,
warm and sweet and over all too soon.
Some call it luck, but I think of it
as an act of Providence.
I close my eyes, and it comes flooding back to me.
The perfume of newly mown grass as we ran
after a ball,
the cool touch of clear water flowing over bare feet and ankles,
the tangy bite of blackberries that could've
used another week on the vine
if only little fingers and little mouths
could have been a bit more patient.
Behind each sweet memory stand two sentinels,
keeping watch across those tender golden years.
A purple Colossus with sheer stone faces
juts unabashed into the blue beyond.
Linked shoulder to shoulder
with his everlasting brothers,
they encircle us in our little vale of peace,
protecting us from intruders and oppressors.
Yet the stalwart vigil disappears into the background
of my best defender and faithful guardian.
Entrusted to nurture and provide for a flock of fledglings,
only certain men show their valor by rising to the occasion.
Under his watchful eye,
a vicious world of snares and pitfalls became a safe place
for new minds to explore and expand,
having thrilling firsts
and learning lifelong lessons.
The intervening years have revealed to me
the true size of the shoes that no other could ever fill.
A humble Nazarene once taught of the power of example.
The efficacy of this method was evidence in my own life;
if there was ever doubt as to which path to take,
I always had a sample on which to base the pattern of my life.
I learned to trust that example,
year after year,
to build up a reservoir of mirrored values
and forge my own character.
No man can keep the Sun in his course,
and so every afternoon is eventually dipped in twilight,
and every summer fades away into wind and ice.
Yet the memories of days gone by
shine bright in our hearts.
Even now, after the years have worn on us all a little more,
I still see the shadow of twin sentinels,
majestic and powerful.
How to behold the rocky cliffs and snowy peaks
without recalling that unfailing guardian
who met me on my first day of life
and loves me still today!
Looking back, I see that we are now equals,
and yet different.
My soul reveres the hand that raised me
and rejoices to find a friend in him.
The vicious world that once he protected me from
is vicious still,
but now is colored by his sage advice.
The noble hero of my infancy is now a goal,
a vision of what I can become.
Above the myriad of emotions rises gratitude,
swelling in my heart
to the brink of bursting.
Neither pen nor tongue can convey
the breadth and depth of the impact on my life.
I owe so much of who I am to that selfless protector
who taught me to love and to lead and to pray.
Yes, Providence smiled on me;
of that I'm sure.
~~~
Poética [Poetics]
White hand on white pages,
the hesitant pen quivers,
frozen in its tracks.
Infinite potentials unharnessed
still without form
as they swirl,
whirl,
twirl around and around
the confines of an alabaster dome,
their alabaster home.
Yearning to be set free
and fill the universe
with their joyful sound,
or dulcent dream,
or mournful wail,
or fiery rage,
or vengeful oath,
or deathly hiss.
But as the prison doors hang loose on their hinges,
none can manage to escape.
The boundary of flesh to ink is as a chasm
wide enough to swallow hosts of valiant men,
rushing into its hungry mouth on horse and foot.
And so the white hand,
pressed to the white page,
clenches tight around the pen,
straining to extract a single word.
But there is none that spans the gap.
The grip releases
and the hesitant pen quivers once more.
Morning air flows in smoothly through twin caverns
and reaches deep,
deep,
deep to fill the stout chest....
Broad white shoulders shift apart and back,
stretching pale skin across a landscape of muscle and bone....
Eyelids gently cover stained glass windows......
Y el alma misma se abre, [And the soul itself opens up,]
un tesoro de luz y emoción. [a treasure trove of light and emotion.]
¡El nacimiento de un dios! [The birth of a god!]
Llena todo el ser hasta su cabida y aun más, [It fills the entire being to its capacity and more,]
ampliando su alcance con sus seis alas plumadas, [expanding its reach with its six feathered wings,]
a punto de brotar. [about to sprout.]
Vosotros que os halláis al borde del abismo, [Ye who find yourselves on the edge of the abyss,]
¡he allí bajar del cielo el primero con poder real, [behold descend from the heavens the first one with true power,]
el primero sin temor! [the first one without fear!]
De sus seis alas echa rayos brillantes de luz y calor, [From his six wings he casts brilliant rays of light and heat,]
otorgando vida y esperanza. [granting life and hope.]
Y por la fuerza de su palabra [And by the power of his word]
se eleva el gran abismo, [the great abyss is lifted up,]
sus profundidades inalcanzables [its unreachable depths]
hechas un prado verde de primavera. [made into a green meadow of springtime.]
Se oye el vuelo veloz de cada deseo, [One can hear the swift flight of each desire,]
corriendo sin frenos, [running without brakes,]
corriendo, [running,]
volando, [soaring,]
deslizándose, [gliding,]
y todos a la vez, [and all together at once,]
un caos con su propio orden. [a chaos with its own order.]
¡Libres, libres, ya somos libres! [Free, free, we are now free!]
El cielo resuena con el grito de júbilo. [The sky resounds with the jubilant shout.]
Black ink flows quickly,
darting back and forth across the white
in a vain attempt to capture something
from the jumbled mess
before it rushes out of reach and out of sight,
off to fill the heavens vast,
leaving behind no trace of its origin
besides a single silver feather.
~~~
Falling Asleep
Wave a white flag and let yourself be
overpowered by the gentle waves
crashing against your shores.
Tenderly, they wrap you
in a blanket warm and deep
and carry you away as you surrender,
releasing your grip and going,
going down,
going slowly,
gently
softly
going down...
until at last...
you breath out
and
in...
and....
out......
and.......
in.......
and..........
out............
and..............
~~~
Desert
The wild land south of the last farming town.
The ground burns, a bright flame
under the blaze of the sun's white heat.
Not even the most stubborn, resourceful, resilient bush
can send its eager roots into the dry, unforgiving earth
without withering and shriveling in the parched earth below,
which has so long yearned for a single drop of rainwater.
For miles and miles there is nothing.
Nothing but glittering red sand
in thick blankets over red bedrock.
It lies lifeless and barren
as if God himself had smitten his palm against it
and crushed the life from it.
The elements are unkind to this country without native sons,
relentless in their course,
ever cutting,
biting,
carving,
gnawing away the surface of the land,
if it even has a surface left.
Wide black feathers cover wide black wings
in their tireless cycle of down
up
down
up
mile after mile over the endless ocean of red.
Piercing eyes scrutinize each grain of orange sand,
glittering rubies more precious than a dragon's brood.
And yet these all-seeing eyes see nothing.
Nothing but the barrenness that sprawls
across the landscape to the horizon.
Beyond the view of man and beast,
a thin grey line cuts across the untamed red.
The gossamer thread cuts itself into the hardened earth,
a vein of Life digging into Death itself.
A thousand desperate tongues greedily lick up all they can,
taking what precious little there was.
A few feet further and the grey is lost completely,
vanished into the red,
a casualty of a war fought on foreign soil.
~~~
Dam Break
Depths of darkest blue ink
held in reserve.
Motionless and yet it holds great power,
like the body of a dormant giant,
slumbering deeply until
all at once
he springs awake,
filled with fury and with vigor,
a thousand ardent rivers spewing
out of their courses to pursue another.
They crash through the still mountain air,
pressing desperately for the lowland.
A great rush of white and green,
it consumes all in its path.
No tree is spared, no stone undisturbed.
The red thirsty ground at last receives
its long-awaited respite.
~~~
Blood
My blood is strong and potent
as it courses through me.
I feel its red power,
surging through my veins.
I feel it in my legs
and in my fingers
and in my spine
and in my chest
and in my neck
and up around my head.
Breathing is an interruption
of the rhythm of my stout heart.
I exhale and am still
as long as I can bear it,
listening to the beautiful symphony
of my own body,
discrete machines working hard
and in harmony to keep me alive.
~~~
Escarcha del corazón [Heartfrost]
FAF8FF
Aún no ves cuan gravemente él,
con ojos tan azules cual la mar,
te hirió al tu confianza maltratar
y engañarte, dulce como miel.
Herida que traspasa gruesa piel,
la Escarcha tú no quieres ya dejar.
Por no sentir, te pones a inventar
mentiras propias: creas del laurel
manzano, vid de uvas del arbusto.
Te duele, mas con tiempo el dolor
se mengua y se borra lo injusto.
Ya sentirás el sol a pleno ardor;
pues late, Corazón, fuerte y robusto
hasta de nuevo recobrar calor.
[You still don't see how severely he,
with his eyes as blue as the sea,
injured you when he abused your confidence
and deceived you, sweet as honey.
[A wound that penetrates thick skin,
you don't even want to leave the Frost anymore.
To not feel, you set about divising
your own lies: out of the bay laurel, you craft
[an apple tree, and a grapevine from a shrubbery.
It hurts, but in time, the pain
will subside and the unfairness will be erased.
[Soon you will feel the sun in its full fervor;
so beat on, Heart, strongly and robustly
until you have once again recovered your heat.]